Sunday, September 25, 2005
ok.yes.i admit.i was hurt.
i just didnt know that words coming out of their mouths could affect me so much.
but for Him, i'm willing to go through all these.
cause i love Him.and i know He loves them.
serving with love.
i'll learn.however hard it may be,
i will do it.with God's strength.
He just spoke so much to me today.
His love for me is so so real lahs.
and He spoke to me today on the way to church
"dont be satisfied with where u are today.never be satisfied."
i kind of shrugged it off.
during cet,aunty janet said the same thing.
in service, aaron said the same thing.
ok.i was like, yes God.i heard u.
i know there are still weak points inside of me.
and i'm just praying really hard no one will read this post.
yes, i said i've let go of that thing.but.i was asking God whats my weak point.God flashed his face into my mind.i know i've been trying to avoid him and stuff.cause i dont want the feeling to come back.i've had enough of my heart being torn.but today, when he was playing, i was like,whoa.that feeling kind of came back.cause all along,i've been hardening my heart towards him.i mean, everything was so clearly spoken.yea.so each time people praise him in front of me,i'd be like, ok lahs.i've seen better drummer.he isnt doing his best yet.(cause there was this week he really wasnt doing his best, and it was pretty obvious.though i dont know why people couldnt tell.)i've never been impressed by the way he played.except for his first time,NEVER.but when he played just now,i could really really see the passion(yes,i've seen it, but never so strong.)the smile and everything.i was weak, but i focused.and i just ignored the whole thing.cause the moment i entertain those thoughts,i'm sure the feeling would be back.and i so do not want that.so.yahs.then i was looking through friendster.i someone's testimonial to someone else.it contains the lyrics of "the reason".i melted lahs.as in, that song really makes me think back of the memories.and now that i'm mentioning songs, another one is tong hua.argh.blogging it makes me clear out my thoughts.but.i'm not gonna do anything, i'm definitely not gonan think about it.but now i understand how the guys i've rejected feel.haha.but being ego or what lahs.but.i was pretty harsh to them.yea.God will remove this feeling.if it's not meant to be,it will not..what is supposed to take place,will take place.....yea.thats all.
God is in control.
6:59 PM
