Saturday, June 16, 2007
Random thoughts.
i hate feeling crummy.
you know, when there's a huge lump in your throat, and your tears are gonna roll out of your eyes any moment.
YET, there's no particular reason for you to cry.
and so you force back such feelings.
but why?
do we need a reason before we can cry?
is it a good thing to be suppressing feelings?
it's been so long since i had a good, long cry.
and maybe it's because i have no reason to.
or maybe, just maybe, i choose not to.
but i'm thankful for friends in my life,
surrounding me with laughter, happiness.
but, joy?
i want more joy.
cos the joy of the Lord is my strength.what would the world be like, if we're all void of feelings?
quite interesting, wouldn't it be?
you can just hang out with a guy/girl, without worrying that your friendship would lead to something else.
or perhaps, without worrying that your friendship wouldn't lead to something else.
but then again,
if the world is void of feelings,
i'd be heading towards hell right this moment.
because i wouldn't be able to fathom God's love, what more accept Christ as my Saviour.
i have this sudden urge to stand in the rain,
just be drenched, and forget about the world for a moment.
studies, friends, family - just, let them fade away for that short while.
it'd be such a wonderful feeling.
and sometimes,
i just have this secret little thought to be a bad girl.
(well, and how'd you define "bad"?)
i mean, to just try out things i've always wanted, without anyone pointing fingers at me.
(and no, i'm not talking about fiddling with drugs, cigarettes and the likes of it. i already said my definition of "bad" is different from the general perception of the word.)
maybe, just go against the norm, against the standard people have of me.
probably that'd set people's thinking about me right.
that i don't live up to expectations all the time.
or maybe, i don't at all.
it's hard to find people who truly understand you inside out,
and when you do find them,
it's so hard to keep them by your side, don't you find?
i'm really looking forward to Pow Wow.
the fun,
the bonding sessions.
above all,
the
spiritual aspect.
i really am expecting something from God through this camp.
i don't know what,
but i know something great is gonna happen.
and maybe there's something more behind that smile.
12:29 PM
