Saturday, January 12, 2008
i tend to think alot when i get sleepless nights.
there are lots i want to type.
but it sounds silly the moment i type them down.
and so i press hard on the backspace button to delete them.
i wonder if i die,
will there actually be people who will mourn?
what if i look down from heaven and i realise that a particular person actually mourns over my death,
yet i did not love her/him as much as i should have when i was alive?
then again,
i dont want people to mourn at my wake.
i want it to be a joyous occasion.
i would like a babypink coffin, with dark red roses around.
please do not serve peanuts and the blackiethingy, because they are super heaty.
i remember during mama's wake,
ivanajie and i went to ALL the tables to kop ALL the peanuts and the blackiethingy.
we started cracking and removing the shells,
and we were super satisfied at the big plate of nuts we have.
so we started munching on them like nobody's business.
she puked afterwards, and i had fever that night.
and i wanna wear Belle's gown on my wedding.
it's so pretty, don't you think?
i ever mentioned it to my parents,
and they think i'm crazy.
because white gowns are supposed to signify purity.
but wearing yellow gowns doesnt mean i'm not pure, right?
it's funny how i stepped into sr, clinging on so tightly to the bowenians.
but yet when i think of sr now, the first thing that comes to mind is this:
my three jokes.
i know through this year, many stuff happened.
in sr, i've definitely gone through lots of things that arent even related to them.
yet my most vivid memories are the times spent with them.
as much as i say i can adapt well,
i fear unfamiliarities.
people like serene, jo, bestie and cherr would label me as independent,
and so it's not gonna be difficult for me to get used to poly life.
but i fear.
just like i feared when i first entered sr.
i ought to get some sleep.
i know it's silly of me, but when i read her super old posts, i felt a twinge of sourness in my heart.but of course i know that's the past.
12:42 AM
